Learning from loss

Sunday, August 1st was World Lung Cancer day. Most of you but not all know that almost 30 years ago my father passed from stage 4 lung cancer. To be fair he smoked cigarettes and then a pipe, so he put himself at risk. Just last week, my mother asked if I was angry at him for doing this. I said that in the beginning, I was, but not anymore. It is harder and mentally draining to stay angry. It is far easier and better for the mind to remember the good times like going to Coney Island for lunch at Nathan’s, sitting in the passenger seat of a golf cart while he played a round of 18 and I colored and his taking me to A&S (a local department store) to buy clothes for my plush Snoopy. I still have the plush Snoopy and a few of the clothes (in addition to the bed, and clothes I made later for Snoopy).

Yes, there are still times I miss my dad. Sylvie is interested in real estate law which is the law my dad practiced and so they could have many discussions on the topic. Although my dad might use the refrain with Sylvie that he used with my sister and me, “There are enough lawyers in the world, so you don’t need to follow in my footsteps.” (My sister and I didn’t become lawyers.) This being said, Sylvie has heard so much over the years about my dad from many people that she feels like she knows him and what he was about.

See, this is the way to do it. Keep the memory of the person alive by sharing stories. You can do this even with a living person. 2+ years ago, we went to Memphis, TN with my mom to family and take Sylvie on a tour of her grandmother’s childhood. At a lunch of that was all my mother’s first cousins, Sylvie got to her stories about her grandmother’s mischievousness as a child.

Remember we learn from those that came before us and what they went through — the suffragette movement of the early 20th century, the civil rights movement of the 1960s, the anti-Vietnam war protests of the late 60s and early 70s, etc.

So parents, take a page out of my book and share stories of your ancestors (grandparents, great-grandparents, etc.) with your kids so they know their history and can laugh at the stories you do like my maternal grandmother, cooking the entire package of bacon at the beginning of the week to store it in a tin foiled lined shoebox to be eaten all week (not very good by week’s end).

This picture of my dad and I camping was taken by photographer staying at the campsite next to ours. My dad gave him our address and he sent us a copy.