Family business...

It has occurred to me that if we as parents took pages out of the business playbook, our families, especially our kids, would benefit…

An oldie, but goodie…On Christmas Eve we go to family-friends to celebrate with them. We are Jewish, so it nice for my daughter to experience Christmas. Almost all of those gathered at the friends are parents and parents of teenagers to boot. The conversation usually ends up in a parenting discussion of some kind.

This year the wife (in our friend couple) talked about how she uses a PIP, a performance improvement pla forn her daughters. She works in HR. Hearing what a PIP is, I thought this is a brilliant way to help your child reverse bad behavior. I went home and researched a PIP and then reached out to my friend to answer some questions. If an employee fails at PIP, he/she is fired. Well, you can’t fire your child (as much as there are times I want to make mine leave), so what do you do if your child fails his/her PIP?

A performance improvement plan (aka PIP) is as it sounds— a plan to improve performance. From the Society for Human Resource Management, “A performance improvement plan (PIP), also known as a performance action plan, is a tool to give an employee with performance deficiencies the opportunity to succeed. It may be used to address failures to meet specific job goals or to ameliorate behavior-related concerns.” (SHRM Article). A PIP “specifies your expectations for employee performance, defines what success looks like going forward, sets regular meetings with the employee to discuss their progress, and explains the consequences for failing to meet and sustain improved performance within an established timeframe.” (Mammothhr.com)

 Now that you understand what a PIP is and how it works, let’s delve into how to use it for your child or children. As I stated earlier I reached out my fried, HR Expert, with questions.

1. If the end consequence of failing a PIP is to be fired, what happens if a child fails? (You can’t fire your child.) 

HR Expert: When considering PIP you have to take into account what kind of child you have, and what they respond to. You can't fire your child, but you can definitely escalate or extend the PIP. A successful PIP actually ends in the child learning not to repeat the behavior that landed them in trouble in the first place. Like any other punishment, it's progressive and a verbal warning should have come first. 

2. As the “manager”, how much responsibility do you take for your child’s behavior during the initial PIP discussion?

HR Expert: None. The onus is on the child or children to be responsible for themselves - that's what growing up is about. Also, it's not really a discussion as much as an information session. It's something like this: here are the observations, here are the corrections needed and the timeframe for them, and here are the consequences, if you cannot correct the behaviors.

3. What is the length of time and review periods for a child’s PIP? (I have read that in the workplace it is 30/60/90 days.)

HR Expert: The age and transgression are a factor, but I am infamous for a 30-day PIP. And no, you don't get time taken off because it's your birthday, a holiday, blah, blah, blah. That's not your problem.

4. As with any discussion how do you get past the child going on the offensive, blaming the parent or being in denial?

HR: Expert: Again, not your problem - and it's not a discussion. Only the parents get to be the adult. 

HR Expert: Important caveat…The PIP is not the first method of discipline: there needs to be a verbal warning and set of expectations laid out. For example: in our house the rule is no lying to us. Whatever you did is done and over with. My daughters need to come clean and accept whatever consequence there may be. In some instances, whatever they've done may not be punishable, but a lie is an automatic 30-day PIP.  

Another example: I give no quarter for bad grades, UNLESS they came to me ahead of time to say they needed extra help or a tutor. Excellent grades are expected since school is the only job you have to do and they are on the "Everything You Need Plus" plan. Therefore, if someone gets a low grade, that's a PIP until the NEXT report card. We've had one bad grade so far.   

My daughter is upset with me for two reasons. One for finding out more about this, since she doesn’t want to end up on a PIP. Two, she is upset with me for praising her friend’s mother for the idea. So far, no PIP has been given in my house. Keep it up, Kiddo!