Let them...

Most of us tend to want to control every situation and make it go smoothly. It’s not that we fail, it’s that we forget that some situations are out of our control. It is at these times we need to employ Mel Robbins “Let Them” theory.  To simplify it— control what you can and let go of what you can’t control “When you "Let Them" do whatever it is that they want to do, it creates more control and emotional peace for you and a better relationship with the people in your life.” — Mel Robbins I read about this is the latest issue of Success Magazine.

However, this easier said than done especially for parents. Picture a kid melting down in a toy store. Most parents cajole their child to stop crying with threats or rewards. And may feel so embarrassed that they leave the store without getting what they came in for. What if instead, the child was pulled to the side and allowed to melt down, while the parent reiterated that they were not getting a toy. Well, that is what I did with my daughter when she was little. In fact I told her it was okay to cry, but that didn’t change the fact that she wasn’t getting a toy. Sometimes I continued by pointing out all the toys she already had and suggested we go through them to give some away before we bought a new toy. Yes, I felt embarrassed having her throw a tantrum. Then I remembered that she and I were the only two people that mattered in the situation. Translation…Others’ can think what they want, but I’m going to parent how I want.

For children ages 1-3 years: “This is because young children are still at an early stage of social, emotional and language development. They can’t always communicate their needs and feelings, including the desire to do things for themselves, so they might get frustrated. And they’re learning that how they behave influences others. So tantrums are one of the ways that young children express and manage feelings, and try to understand or change what’s going on around them.” — RaisingChildren.net.au

For children 4+ years old: It can be caused by strong emotions, being overwhelmed, hungry, tired or lack of vocabulary to describe how they feel. — RaisingChildren.net.au

Here’s the funny thing… my method gave me daughter permission to show her feelings and talk about them and now she is 20 and she shares her feelings, thoughts, and issues with me. My point is that if we give our kids the space to have their feelings and show them that they are heard, they are more likely as they grow up to be comfortable with strong emotions and less likely to get overwhelmed. This better for parents and our relationship with our children.

What to do if your kid is having a tantrum…

1.    Assess the situation.

2.   Determine what your child is reacting to — strong emotion, something the child doesn’t like, an age inappropriate request from the parent, etc.

3.    Make the child feel heard and understood.

4.   Calmly and at eye level explain the appropriate response the child should have

5.    If necessary, let the child know that you will not respond until the tantrum is done.

6.   Model calm behavior — Child Mind Institute